That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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