he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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