I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
