Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
