I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
