For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
