I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
