Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
