just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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