I smell stomach acid.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
