we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
