We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
