OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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