Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
