i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I think your dad took our porno
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize