halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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