My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
