elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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