do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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