Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Fuck appropriateness.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize