I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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