we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize