i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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