Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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