Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
