I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
