so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
