Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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