do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
