HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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