if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize