i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
