You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
