I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
