my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
