My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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