He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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