a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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