A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
