the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
