The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My day in three words: secret purse cake
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize