I wish I only lived at night.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
is wine microwaveable?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize