what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I stole a fireplace last night.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize