She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
