Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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