I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
