there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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