His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
