it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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