My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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