Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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