after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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