I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm like, not good at living.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
