tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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