you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
