Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
