the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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