While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
How does one acquire holy water?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
