I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
