you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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