Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
