Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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