I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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