I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
