I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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