and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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