well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
