I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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