you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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