I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
