His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
