Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
